I’m a fairly new parent and I am also on the autistic spectrum. With autistic spectrum disorder comes its own challenges and blessings, and this is particularly true when being a parent with this condition. The point in me writing this post is to share my experience as a new parent who is also autistic.
The huge change in my life that occurred when I became a father four months ago is something I would not trade for anything. But it was hard to get used to. It demanded sudden changes in what my day-to-day world and routine looks like as well as changes in how I interact with others.
I have always been very much into my routine and almost ritualistically doing specific things throughout the week as specific times and/or days. I still have a routine but it has changed to fit around a routine for my son. As I like patterns this has been an easy adjustment; knowing when our son should wakes up, takes naps, feeds, has a bath and goes to bed for the night. This all takes place at roughly regular intervals. My own routine has fit around this, I schedule in meets with friends, miniature painting, tabletop gaming and even writing time at specific times around this.
Being autistic does pose challenges in being a parent but the regular expectation of what happens each day and expecting the same daily routine is much easier to cope with and adjust to for many of us on the spectrum.
Another big challenge has been in socialising with other parents. Part of being a parent is meeting other parents to form support networks with people in the same boat. This is hugely important and me and my wife have met many other new parents just before and since our son was born. It is difficult for me to maintain friendships, not because of falling out with people, but struggling to know how to proceed with a new friendship. This is something I have had to work on.
Being autistic does not mean being less capable of being a parent. I would be lying if I said it did not pose some unique challenges but I also strongly believe that aspects of my autism are a huge benefit in being a father. Those aspects that are difficult have been things I can work on by reframing the difficulties in a way that works for me.